The Words Of A Man

Purpose

2012-01-06T09:15:00.001-05:00

My mother told me today

That her husband was first her friend

Then her lover, then my father

So as I sat and heard her say

That no matter where his path was lead

His purpose became us, together

And my mother's words struck deep into my heart

As the thoughts of you filled my head

I know that I found my way

I'm waiting for my life to start

I know what I see up ahead

And the only thing I want to say

is...

I love you.

So I contemplate my next step

And I consider the angles

As if it could be my last

The fears of life, into my head crept

But I know the truth about my angel

And from her radiant light, her love is cast

And with that love and grace

I hold on to all that I've come to know of her

And cherish the time we share

I close my eyes to see your face

And it gives me that feeling assured

But fear still being there that I'm scared

that...

I need you.

Grad Trunk Pub

2010-05-29T14:38:00.001-04:00

All about the Cock & Fox!

new tribal, back

2010-05-21T21:34:00.001-04:00

new tribal, side

2010-05-21T21:33:00.001-04:00

new tribal, front

2010-05-21T21:32:00.001-04:00

tattoo @ dream jungle, staright on

2010-05-21T19:03:00.001-04:00

tattoo @ dream jungle

2010-05-21T18:59:00.001-04:00

Remember Me...

2007-02-14T05:46:00.000-05:00

We stood in that doorway
As the switch fell

Light turned to dark
You pulled me close and kissed me

All of the world was forgotten
Your lips were like honey

I held you close
The seconds turned to minutes

I wanted nothing more
Never to let go of your grasp

Hold on to the thought
Something more and real

I told you just a kiss
Pursuing not your body

Of all things desired
A moment together again

Yet a kiss was all
I asked and you gave

Yet I could have taken hold
Held you down in lust

Knowing you would have given
Your body was a temple to me

I could not disgrace my temple
Tearing at threads and buttons

All the while wanting more
Knowing that kiss was the last

Now I lay me down alone
You would never share my bed again

A piece of my life is gone
A chapter writen and torn out

The knowledge of you being home again
Close enough to bring you back

For why would I bring back
What does not want me anymore

All was only a short while
Knowing you needed help

I could not give you peace
Only attempt to comfort

Never enough to keep you near
Leaving the scent and feel of you

The memory of your beautiful body
Laying in my arms through the night

The only good thing left in me
Engulfing my days in pain

I miss you here and now
But I am just a faint star in your sky

Burning out in time
Left to implode in my own space

Remember me
Please...

5:30AM
Valentines Day 07

When

2007-02-06T03:45:00.000-05:00

Intoxicated memories left by a careless heart
A meaningless fling of two bodies wrapped in drugs
As you move away you show no remorse
Leaving whats left of a fragile man, torn apart

The feeling of knowning that I was a good escape
A few kind words, a few packs, a few laughs
Still wishing I knew the key to get inside
What did I miss, where did I go wrong, a total mistake

And to think that I put in so much, to get so little
To be left here alone knowing that she will call
Just for a lift, a few more points, a few more rides
And all in all its just a big mess with me in the middle

You scream out for help and talk of wanting it all to end
The moment someone trys to help you close off like a vault
Scared of the moment, of the feeling, what is it?
To be hurting, to be yurning, yet love can not bend

And through it all I will be there again and again
I will sit and listen, and boil it down amd stake it in
I will try and try and try only to drown
In self defeat and loathing wondering when... when... when...

Lost

2006-12-10T20:29:00.001-05:00

Lost in a sea of thought on a ship made of space and a paddle of time, I wander. Floating trough a colorless world, wanting nothing more than a few hours away from surreal nature of this place, away from the fragments of images, I lie. As the waves rock my boat, splashes of memories and to-be's enter my vessel, weighing me down like iron chains clad to my shoulders and neck. But I venture on, without moving, without feeling, without being. And as the waves crash and pull my ship one way and another, the splashes turn to puddles and overwhelm me. This is where I lay me down; this is where all will be lost. Now, as I fall through this sea of thought, I drown in an empty void, only wanting to escape the one thing that I can not flee from... my own mind.

Acidic Dreams

2006-08-22T15:32:00.000-04:00

Black as the color of night
Contrast the sparkel of some unknown light
The twinkeling of a star on the range
Leaves me with visage so strange
With the way the colors blend
Time begins to twist and bend
My perception of what is bona fide
Enhanced by Lysergic Diethylamide

Lost Without You

2006-08-18T23:48:00.000-04:00

Wading through an ocean of regret
Dwelling on the point we never should have met
Now your heart lies with another
I cringe at the thought that it is my brother
Left all alone, my mind begins to race
Liquid relief, powder escape, chemical haze, happy place

And as our bodies align
Through space and through time
A love I can not confide
A piece of me has just died

Crawling through concrete halls
Trying to escape these collapsing walls
Holding on to that reach for affection
Left to ponder the feel of rejection
So much between us, so much the same
Rolling the dice, losing hold of the game

And as our bodies align
Through space and through time
A love I can not confide
A piece of me has just died

Clenching the memory of your face
Wanting nothing more than to lose that trace
With all that is between who we are
How are you so unreachable, why so far
Now I whisper words that go unheard
Trying to make sense of something so obscured

And as our bodies align
Through space and through time
A love I can not confide
A piece of me has just died

-l0ckd0wn 8/18/06 7:00PM

Too Good To Be True

2006-08-15T22:37:00.000-04:00

Just when it all come together
Just when everything fit
Just when you thought you're getting through
It was all just too good to be true

As the days blend together
As the time takes you on its Journey
As her words flow into you
It was all just too good to be true

Now I sit alone again
Now I wallow in my tears
Now as the sky is its brightest blue
It was all just too good to be true

There she waits for him
There he goes to her
There is the oppurtunity to pursue, but
It was all just too good to be true.

Tripping Over Mushrooms

2006-07-27T10:01:00.002-04:00

I like the way you move, I like the way you feel
A piece of the puzzle, The way it makes you seem real
As though I was not there, Faraway in a sleep
Im on Venus today baby, leave a message at the beep

Dreamy fabrications
Fluid hallucinations
Mental intoxications
Chemical Fasinations

This is my vacation, You can't bother me here
A tropical ice storm, Unusual for this time of year
Blue and purple shimmers, Echoing sonic claps
Streaks of gold and orange, little mushroom caps

Mental Fabrications
Chemical hallucinations
Fluid intoxications
Dreamy fasinations

You seem to melt before me, as I reach through time
The walls are closing in, as I dig through my mind
The sky is made of rainbows, I'm riding the skylight
And as I fall off my love, I drift into the twilight.

Fluid fasinations
Chemical intoxication
Dreamy fabrications
Mental hallucinations

Questions of an Unanswered Heart

2006-07-11T14:35:00.000-04:00

Why would you try and try knowing you will fail?
Why does the air taste so stale?
What is to be gained waiting in vain?
What do you do about this pain?
Who will answer your calls when her time is done?
Who is left when you have no one?
Where will you go after you know the truth?
Where do you go to find the proof?
When will you realize she is completely done with you?
When will you realize she is never going to love you?

You have loved and lost putting your will to the test
Put it all out there and still no rest.
You have strived to conquer the barrier and drowned
Cutting deep into you this cumbersome razer crown
You have sought refuge in her heart only to find it empty
Cold and alone you remember when you had love a-plenty
You have struggled through the barren desert of isolation
Wandering through to find the oasis of explanation
You have slept through the nights knowing her absence
Dreaming of the day when she can accept your presence

Why would you try and try knowing you will fail?
Why does the air taste so stale?
What is to be gained waiting in vain?
What do you do about this pain?
Who will answer your calls when her time is done?
Who is left when you have no one?
Where will you go after you know the truth?
Where do you go to find the proof?
When will you realize she is completely done with you?
When will you realize she is never going to love you?

She has avoided your feelings for so long
Trying to be secure and independantly strong
She has extended her hand and nothing more
Although you know her heart has been loved before
She runs through her days acting as if nothing matters
As she looks passed you, your heart aches and shatters
She puts it all on hold for her life and her goal
Exhaustion follows after pouring out your heart and soul
She has lost love before and attempts to run away
And all the while you ache, knowing she wont stay

Why would you try and try knowing you will fail?
Why does the air taste so stale?
What is to be gained waiting in vain?
What do you do about this pain?
Who will answer your calls when her time is done?
Who is left when you have no one?
Where will you go after you know the truth?
Where do you go to find the proof?
When will you realize she is completely done with you?
When will you realize she is never going to love you?

You have grown and gone to find your way home
Walking a path of righteousness all on your own
You have seen and left the feelings on the side of the road
Gone and burned everything that has been a burdening load
You have climbed to the highest peaks to throw down your grief
Now you are left to stand up and see that you deserve relief
You have honored her to the last trying to woo her for your own
Now that the courting is done you strive to reset the tone
You have completed your transformation and are whole
It is to bad you've become rigid and without soul

Why would you try and try knowing you will fail?
Why does the air taste so stale?
What is to be gained waiting in vain?
What do you do about this pain?
Who will answer your calls when her time is done?
Who is left when you have no one?
Where will you go after you know the truth?
Where do you go to find the proof?
When will you realize she is completely done with you?
When will you realize she is never going to love you?

7/11/06, 2:35PM

The Need To Want You

2006-07-10T15:07:00.000-04:00

I don't want to need you.
No more need to want, no more want to need,
Left in the cold, in shades of pain, gray and blue.
I don't need to want you, yet I do.

I don't want to need you.
Feelings of regret and abandonment,
Pushed away for something that isnt even true.
I don't need to want you, yet I do.

I don't want to need you.
Please tell me what to say, what to be,
Lost in a sea of failure, lost in everything I knew.
I don't need to want you, yet I do.

I don't want to need you.
Is there an answer to what this is now,
It feels as though it is unraveled, becoming unglued.
I don't need to want you, yet I do.

*Inspired by Fischerspooner's Never Win.

7/10/2006, 2:30PM

Just Don't

2006-06-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Don't lie to me
Don't do it to make it easier
Don't do it to make it better
Don't lie to me to make it simple
Don't simplify it with fraud
Don't deceive to make it seem true
Don't do it like that

9:30PM 6/13/06

Hurt

2006-06-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

As it flows down, it tingles, it burns
Deeper into my body, it drains out into my veins
The sight is clear as day, yet foggy, yet unclear
Used up, extinguished, running its course
Left in a puddle of my self, itchy and unclean
My head whirls with what was so calming
Now a calamity, painful and aching
Make it all go away, quick, quicker
Till there is nothing left
Leave me there, with nothing, solitary
As if there is another way to make it better
But there is not, and will not be
Untill another, someone or something
Full of life, full of living, full of purity
Let not the past guide actions yet untold
Leave not behind the influence and education
But the rest is not to be kept
Keeping those pains and trials burns deep
As if a mark, a tattoo, a sign of what was
That is not what is, not what should be
And if it should be then they shall pass
Passing as if a face in the crowd
No introduction or greeting, just a glance
That is the way, the way it should be
If not then where is it supposed to be
What is it supposed to be
What is after this, and where am I going
Time is the only answer to questions untold
Time is the only answer to questions unasked
Time is the only question to answers unfound
Time is it
It is time and time alone that unveils the truth

9:30PM 6/13/06

Worth The Wait

2006-06-13T21:35:00.000-04:00

Smiling and laughing together, we share our wishes and dreams
Talking for hours, conversation is more than it seems
Although it sometimes seems pointless, I continue my persistence
I strive with patience to cut this invisible emotional distance
It almost seems futile venturing in to break through this bubble
Easing softly towards you, trying not to cause any trouble
Feeling nearly reckless in my attempt your guard remains
As I lay beside you, I take hold of my own physical reins
Your back lies close, firm against my chest
My arm around your waist, both of us needing rest
A simple request as to how much you really feel
Is the reassuring factor that this is more than just real
Your lips are soft and sweet to mine, leaving me in bliss
Yet the ever looming feeling that there may be something missed
As I hold you close in the late evening, minutes turn to hours
I begin to fall off my consciousness; I retreat to my ivory tower
The darkness turns to light as the first glimpse of the sun arises
Only hoping that today something grand happens, full of surprises
As hard as it is to feel so far away, I breathe deep and concentrate
And as my days blend together, I watch you and reassure, you are worth the wait.

10:15AM, 6/13/06

Electronic Music

2006-05-31T06:08:00.000-04:00

Music. Everything is about the beat, the rhythm, the flow. The sound of the bass as it moves your chest, the treble tickling your senses with melodic tones and notes, taking your mind to another place altogether, a place of pure and untainted peace. It begins with you standing, then tapping, then moving, until your body is one with the music, twisting and turning in a sparsely lit hall with colors, beams, sparkles, glimmers and strobes. You are transported out of yourself onto a journey of light and sound, changing everything around you into your personal vehicle of ecstasy. A vessel created out of the evolution of drums and primitive instruments of percussion and chime. You feel as if you could never be any more satisfied by life then right now, moving, loving, feeling, dancing in the hazy spot lights, through smoke and sound, engulfed in your environment. The climax collides with you and all those around you, leaving you feeling as though the moment is an eternity. As the song declines from the final drop, you feel it begin to deconstruct before your ear, only to have a new and foreign, yet comfortably precise sound fall into order and build to a fresh and different tune. As if by magic you begin the next step of your journey into a harmonically generated landscape, flowing and moving, building and falling. As it all unwinds the lights begin to turn on, the images around you become faces and then bodies. The light stings for a second, and then you recollect your thoughts, only wanting to hear more. As you make your way home, you smile as the evening before is reflected and digested. Now you feel the urge, the sensation of want, the craving for more. A quick shuffle and you hear the first tones greet your ears. As the freeway turns and bends, you laugh and continue your journey home, knowing full well that you can not wait until the next weekend to do it all over again.

A Night Away From Myself

2006-05-30T02:18:00.000-04:00

A Night Away From Myself

Blinking at the lights, red, yellow, blue, green
I see you as you move through the shadowy darkness
Bouncing to a note that carries your feet to the next step
Over and over your body bends and moves
Glistening under the shiny mirror ball as if a ghost.

Excitedly and smiling, you check all those around you
Looking for trouble, pain, fear, you move to comfort
Like a mother hen to her hatchlings, nurturing, caring
As we sit and talk through the haze of music
We held hands in the darkness, your arm around me.

As I watch you run to the wood floor, my heart stops
Questioning my altered and enhanced senses
If what just happend was a dream, or was it more
The way I touched your leg, not wanting to let you go
I still have yet to grasp what I held right then.

The sparkle the way your smile radiated through the light
I was entrigued, astonised by such innocense and yet
All the time wanting to wear my heart upon my sleeve
Knew not of what was real and fantasy
Completely overwhelmed by what I had touched.

As I finally fall off of my chemical adventure exhausted
The daunting buzzing of some arcane substance
Floating through my veins hours after you left for home
Leaves me remembering not twenty four hours before
Just how much you touched me, and I can't even tell you.

1:45AM May 30, 2006

Hunger-Lust

2006-05-04T20:44:00.000-04:00

Hungry, Very Hungry for something
Anything would suffice for now
Later I want it hot, sticky, wet
Dry as a bone, but the feeling emense
So little the notice with a lust so great
Not so much of a glance or nod, just chatter
Silently sitting, yearning for touching
Hands off are all the signals to show
Hidden amongst the back of my thoughts and dreams
Nightmarish visions of scantalous heat and pleasure
Tormented in silence

~l0ckd0wn

You, An Inspiration

2006-04-30T16:14:00.000-04:00

A challenge, a quest of glory

To a land of dire-need and desire

A hero comes forth

A stallion of truth and dignity

Going forth to triumph our story

Realizing a single weakness within himself

Striving to overcome

Condensing his feelings and affinity

The land of conquest a dream

A parcel so much to desire it is unfathomable

So soft and rolling

As though lush valleys and hills

And to this I do deem

A place of such grandeur and avail

Men of many faces lust

For the sheer feel of the thrill

Her curves are unwavering in appeal

As you follow her middle plains

She swells on lust

And begs to be satisfied

A heart of stone and satin to steal

You yearn for a glance or flinch

And left with the feel

Of something not quite gratifying

~l0ckd0wn

Tangent - A Poem

2006-04-24T06:05:00.002-04:00

That missing something

Or nothing pushing out

And in to focus on the pain

In the chest like splintered

Glass wedged in my head

Ache of just another day of dwelling

In my own little made up space

The uncharted frontier

Land, open out on the range

Burner glows hot and blue

The color of cold

Weather seems to not want to leave

Me with a thought of something good

And wholesome is what I want

Is not what I needlessly yearn

For that blanket of comfort

Me in this absent piece less

Or more than a dream

Scape of the sandman

The bringer of slumber

Is where I would rather be

Or not to be, neither is a question

Of whether or not this means anything

Or everything to me or her

Name does not matter

Not does my feelings

Are my worst enemy

In life or death

Is the only true comforting end

To the day's answer

Questioning all that is my being

Late and dirty and tired

Of the same old shit

Faced at 5AM

Is just another moment

A mere wrinkle in time

And space mark the exact

Place of queer and unappreciated

Inspirational words of rhythm

And rhyme with me one last

Thought of just where I was

Going to do yesterday

Was the end of it all...?

~l0ckd0wn

Ministry of Sound, Class, Brilliance

2006-04-21T17:11:00.000-04:00

So I was perusing the Podcasts section of iTunes today and saw that the Ministry of Sound had there own weekly Podcast, supposedly. To me it was refreshing to see such a power house label putting out something back into the dance and electronic music community only to find that the only thing that was available to actually listen to was a 1:30 track that was an advertisement for some kind of Podchart and it only released a single name at #10... What the fuck is this? Well I am guessing that they are not yet complete. However I did then venture to the website @ www.MinistryOfSound.com and found that there was a delightful little segment about just how effective drug use has been at penetrating the media in a very entertaining and mockingly funny way. Here is the last tidbit that I liked the most cause I am not only a user, but an enabler too!

10. THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY (2001-2003)
Drugs: One Ring to Rule Them All
To some a cinematic masterpiece, to others a load of dodgy fantasy bollocks; but few could deny that these films conjure up a rich, complex world that works on many levels, many of them drug-related. I'm not saying that the story of the magical ring and it's addictive, all-consuming power over Frodo Baggins could be seen as a metaphor for heroin addiction. Nor am I saying that the physical and psychological changes the ring wreaks upon the young Hobbit echo the different stages of opiate-dependency perfectly. What I am saying though, is that with the right sound system, a big plasma telly, and the right drugs... this film is awesome...

The article is very entertaining and showcases 10 cult masterpieces, including Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and American Beauty, both of which are excellent and very enlightening films that give another look at the drug sub-culture in both the positive and negative reflections. Both are in my private collection, they should be in yours! For the full article and a good laugh go HERE.

~l0ckd0wn

My Own Cell

2006-03-28T07:20:00.000-05:00

As I lay in these sheets
The sun beats through the shades like iron bars.

The walls are blank and worn
I toss and turn, a slave to the dark.

the glare of the afternoon light pierces my eyes
Reminding me just how critical I am to criticize, a prisoner to my own thoughts.

As the light fades away the dark is a comforting end to a miserable beginning.

Now I lay awake tormented by my own thoughts of what would be
Rather unlikely, but even what could be.

So now I wait for exhaustion, the only comforting feeling
Left with the frustration, it drags you back into the only warm place worth being.

The place of comforted torment and lucid dreams right back to my own cell.

~l0ckd0wn

Words

2006-02-22T06:52:00.000-05:00

Words
So Many, So Few
Conversations
Empty, Meaningfull
Transactions
Between you, Between me
Complications
Point of view, Perception is reality
Simplify
So much better, So much worse

~l0ckd0wn

Imagination for Living

2006-01-27T23:57:00.000-05:00

What a contemplation, a manipulation and inspiration
A way to look, see and appreciate
With all this living, big words and realization
That this world is a place to watch, sit and wait
But you make it more and more, complicated
Though I do not love you, my body hates what is missing
Now everything is more than me being infatuated
Its about your thoughts, and feelings, you listening
And yet, I love this intertwining hulabaloo
This ugly, beautiful disaster of us
A wild midnight game of sleeping next to you
You rescued me as I watched you get lost
From here on out the gloves come off
No more stuff, just heart filled lies and the complete untruth
Because we are all made of simple flesh, soft and rough
With too many bugs, but all point at the proof
That you and me are not what we seem
And us and them will do it all for life
Not so cozy and yet comfy in my dream
Knowing the hardships of being in strife
So as I watch the sun set over the moon
And as the earth burns like the dimmest star
The crawling and stalling of a faint tune
I ascend to the street and head to the bar.

~l0ckd0wn

Time of My Life

2006-01-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

So as I sit and stare at the blank canvass
The brush fades of paint and am left with a mess
Another day to sit and look out at the space
Watching children walk to school, smiles on each face
As the world begins their busseling day of work
I lay ending my own, falling into the shadows that lurk
The softness against my skin and the plush against my face
A safe haven, a cirlce of protection, my own special place
The last sign of concious, the first sign of day
The sand falls quick over my eyes and my mind begins to play
A dream, a thought, a place, a picture, a word
Figments, hallucinations, all seem absurd
As the cracle of clean air flows above me
I wait with eyes wide open and closed to see
What awaits in the shadow of exhaustion
Floating on in my own mind of obsession
The noise that carrys on into the hall
Whispers fade as the rooms fall
Each image my own feable creation
What does it mean, why the frustration
Yet I hear the buzz of the begginning of night
Awake to darkness and the dimming of light
A tune catches my ear, a piano and steady beat
The song blows over me like wind through clothes line sheet
As my eyes focus on what lies before me
I arise to smiles and commotion, the same faces I see
As my day carrys me deeper into darkening skys
I stretch my arms and further open my eyes
To the darkening world that lies before
I put on my body and walk through the open door.

~l0ckd0wn

Am I Really Playing the Victim?

2006-01-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

So as I sit and think about all that has happend since the last time I wrote, I wonder what is really worth telling the world considering everyone that I know personally already has the whole story? So I have come to decide that rather than telling you what has happend, I will not play the victim and will tell you what will happen.
~
I am going to get punished. I am going to have to take responsibility for my crime. Never made it to Chicago. Missed the most important concert I had wanted to go to in 5 years. Why? Eh... another day.
~
A job. One needs a job to make money. Money is what is needed to pay for life. Life is what we live day after day. And the way we live determines how much money we need. I have neither a life nor money, how am I supposed to live?
~
Time is on my side. But it is still working against me. I have all of the time in the universe, but never know when to use it. So I sit, again, thinking about using the time I have to make living my life easier.
~
Viva Las Vegas. The town that never sleeps, and always shines. It is like a place of fairytales, a place of pure imagination. Yet dreams are made and broken day after day. Why would I ever want to move there?
~
So thats it, a rough outline of life as I know it. One day at a time, 7 days in one week, 52 weeks in one year. All will come together over the course of the next 18 months, but I just need to remember to accomplish what I needed to today, to make sure that there will be a tomorrow.

Yeah I read it and don't get it either, and I wrote the damn thing,
-l0ckd0wn

Bipolar Boss... EEK!

2005-11-15T21:00:00.000-05:00

What do you do when your direct superior is bipolar, neurotic, caffeine junky?

I really do not have a whole lot to say here. My only thoughts are really that my boss over reacts at every chance he gets. The real problem with his over reaction is that he is about 6'4" 250 and has the negotiating skills of a wolverine with rabies... well not all the time, but enough to really make you think that he just does not give a flying fuck about you. He shoots you dirty looks for no reason, is smiling one second, yelling the next, and can instantly go from kind to carnage faster than you can say 'loan.' My problem is that I like the guy; really I love the dumb fucker like he was an older brother! I don’t know why, but I am constantly looking for his approval, am over eager to please him, and thrive on him acknowledging me. Why, I ask myself, do you do that? Well that is a mystery that I will approach when I come around to it, or will end up losing my job before I ever really discover why any how. Anyway, with a boss like this, this monotonous job can be pretty interesting and exciting, all at the same time!

Just another day at the office
-l0ckd0wn

Acoustic Ecstacy

2005-11-10T20:59:00.000-05:00

So November 25th there is going to be something extraordinary happening... I will finally get to see Deep Dish live. I just have this feeling that my life may change and the world will be right for at least the evening. To some who know me, they have become accustomed to hearing some sort of electronic music every time a door in my car is opened. Between The New Deal, Jamiroquai, Thievery Corporation or any edition of Global Underground I have, there is always some sort of steady, funky beat carrying me to my next destination.
~
My next destination is going to be the beautiful, lush, soulful city of Chicago. I have been to Chicago only a handful of times, and never for reasons of my own creation. From the low bluesy tones of a saxophone echoing through the shadows of alleys, to the bright and hunger filled restaurants that cater to those late night folks looking for a bite to eat before they call it a night, the streets of Chicago have so much to offer and share that it really is a treat to be able to experience this on my accord. November 25th I will be leaving at 4PM to start my little road trip with 2 friends, destined for The Sound Bar, Chicago Illinois.
~
This is the type of show that I have been waiting years to see. Every year I go to the Detroit Electronic Music Festival and every year I end up missing at least one artist that I have been anxious to see for sometime, only because of how much is going on and how many different acts are there every year. Deep Dish I have been waiting to see for about 3 years now, missing them a few times as they came through Ann Arbor, Lansing, Windsor, or right here in Detroit. The way I see it, if I go to Chicago to see Deep Dish, there is no better place I would rather see them, other than in their home town of DC. One thought that I have had about this upcoming evening is what else we we'll be doing, and if there is going to be a good after party after the show is over? As the date approaches I will be looking harder and harder to find some phat party to go to after we get out of this incredible 5hr set from this Grammy winning, standard setting duo that is considered one of the best remixing talents on the globe! This show will make waiting this long so much more worth it. This will be a show for the ages!... for me at least!!

Caution: Road Trip Ahead
-l0ckd0wn

The Last Big Sha-bang

2005-10-29T13:08:00.000-04:00

~This Morning~
Blurred vision, body aches, dizziness and upset stomach... Yeah I had a hangover this morning. The hangover was not as bad as it could have been. I took 2 Centrum Vitamins, 3 Motrin and drank about 20oz of water before bed. That left me with just a little hangover this morning.

~Last Night~
So a colleague of mine threw a Halloween party last night that did not have a huge number of people, but was still very well done. I had just finished dinner with the girl and she was a little to inebriated to accompany me to the party. Well during dinner we split a bottle of wine and I sipped upon a Crown & Water and then a Chocolate Martini, I was feeling beautiful by the end of the meal! We left the restaurant, her towards home me towards the party, and I ended up being one of the first ones there... No, I was the first one there! So I came in said hello and relaxed for a few minutes, waiting for other coworkers to arrive, and once there were a few people there I grabbed a Capt. on the rocks and started sipping!

~The Evening Continues~
3 glasses of Capt. later and a couple beers I was two sheets to the wind, having a fabulous time talking with my colleagues and bosses about lots of different topics and mortgage industry bull shit. By this time 3 hours had gone by and it was close to 1AM. A close friend and coworker just got a new Durango, so we took a little trip and picked up some party favors at my house to share. After coming back we took a trip out to the back balcony and partook in some healthy inhaling amongst my work friends. Conversations were started and ended and the next 3 hours went by very quickly as coworkers and bosses alike left to head home for the evening while others drank more and became increasingly entertaining and talkative. At 4:40AM I glanced at my Blackberry and realized that I was in need of something that I just did not want to find where I currently was: sleep. I packed up, had a last glass of water and followed the last few folks out the door towards the bitter chilly evening. After getting in my car I realized that winter wasn't coming, it was nearly here! That was a fantastic evening & at least till tomorrow, I still have a job!

Alcohol is bad, mmmmk
-l0ckd0wn

Is This The End For Our Hero!?

2005-10-28T16:02:00.000-04:00

So today I think is my 3rd to last day. I work for a company that has quotas, and I have not met my quotas for awhile now. Generally that means that you will be let go on the basis of production. As a salesperson, I really don't like having to sell people. Kind of an oxymoron, I am a salesperson with no sales skills. In fact I am the exact same way with the female population, but that is not a topic I am going to go spewing all over the internet. Anyway, I have a quota that I was given to hit this month that was seriously too high for me to reach. I believe that the company sets this standard to basically say that "We know you are going to try, but you will not succeed, so if you get your affairs in order this next month before we fire you, you will be O.K." Wow, such a way to stand behind your employees, set completely unreasonable expectations during a really difficult time in a person’s career. Looking back I loved the people I worked with, have a deep appreciation for everything that I have learned here and experienced, and am looking forward to expanding my horizons elsewhere, or maybe just going back into the IT field. Oh well, it was a fun and entertaining ride while it lasted, man will I miss those benefits.

The end of the beginning of my career,
-l0ckd0wn

Google - The Center of the Universe

2005-10-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

Or at least that is what I think. I mean c'mon, how many services, can one company offer for NOTHING!? Seriously! If you take 10 minutes out of your day to explore just how many different services that Google has to offer, you will make it your homepage! For instance, besides searching the web with the greatest of ease at lightning speeds and having the results be uncanny, you can get your email through Google at Gmail, you can have Google translate a page for you here, start a Blog (Blogger - owned by Google), or you can even download the easiest and most useful photo management software I have ever seen (Picasa - created by Google)! That just scratches the surface, seriously! If you need directions, Google Maps and Directions, or lets say you want the most up-to-date news resource on the internet, next to the BBC of course, try Google News, hell if you want to see the moon where the space landings were, use Google, Google's Moon Images!
Being such a never ending resource, no wonder Google's IPO went from the $85 release to a High of $357.09 and has maintained above $300 for weeks on end! I guess that is why when I heard that Google has a beta that is going to compete with eBay I was uncontrollably curious. PC World published an article that says in the first line, "Google plans to crush EBay." Do I have your attention? I would hope so, or those who are deeply vested in this .com could very well end up on there .bum! Rather than me trying to explain a technology I don't quite grasp due to its infancy, go to PC World and check out the article. Go here and check out Google's own blog. While your there make sure you read the Rumor of the Day blog and check out their comments on this new beta they are secretly testing in their sunny California labs.

I <3>
-l0ckd0wn

Hum Drum...

2005-10-21T14:51:00.000-04:00

Is that what it is called? Hum Drum? Is that what you call it when you sit at work, day after day, doing the same thing over and over again with no positive results? I could have sworn that the definition of insanity was very similar as to what my behavior has been here in the work place. I actually think that insanity is more of an appropriate description considering I work in the mortgage industry during a particularly queer time in the market. Lead after lead I call all day long to get answering machines and angry people who really need someone to help them organize their finances, consolidate their debt, and show them a way out of financial anarchy providing a path into what is called, at least in this busseling financial industry, as wealth and security. Wealth? People are not wealthy! People are bitter, poor, stubborn folk who have lost a life time of wealth investing in GM, Delphi, Enron, and who lost millions on their 401Ks and mutual funds after September 11, '01. I pity so many of these people as they continue to shop their way completely out of a frugal market by wasting time calling broker after lender after broker looking to shave an eighth off of the rate one lender has quoted which was a quarter lower than the last guy they talked to! Who put these ideas into the heads of such ignorant, not stupid but ignorant, people who know nothing of saving or needing money to retire 10, 20, 30, 40 years down the road! Insanity and hum drum... yes this job, this carreer, this industry, this market. A bleak time for someone as young as I, trying to establish myself and really help people conquer never ending credit card debt that has been escalating and running lives since the federal regulations were dropped in the '80's, and yet even more so since the crash in the economy in '01.

Just a thought...
-l0ckd0wn

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

2005-10-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

A quote that a friend of mine has used for years, this quote brings memories and images from as far back as trips to MISSION, thus bringing even more memories back from parties before.

Being a Detroit native I have seen and heard many things that most people on this planet may never experience. Although the same could be said no matter where you were, to me I would have never had it any other way, just maybe a review on the way some of the events were played out! These specific instances I am speaking of, though, are a combination of some very specific events shaping me into the way I see things today. Memories such as raving at abandoned buildings all over Detroit, the infamous MISSION:DETROIT parties and the original DEMF all bring back very vivid and colorful expierences that I will never forget and cherish everyday. All of these events have helped sculpt my ever present personality, point of view and my personal composition of opinions into one f*cked up individual!

A reflection,
-l0ckd0wn